You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Rumble strips road head = magical
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
