I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
