yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
