I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
