4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
