The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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