He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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