You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
nutella sex= disaster
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
