All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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