guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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