somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
