walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
