He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
