you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
