you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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