I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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