Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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