just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
