Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
