I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
