I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
