; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
