she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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