Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
