whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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