so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Randomize
