i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
