GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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