She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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