hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
