either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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