Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
