im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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