nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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