Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
