when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
