Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
