I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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