There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dignity is for republicans.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
