Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
