Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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