she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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