Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
