Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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