I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
