weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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