just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
