It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
