dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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