That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
