Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
